If you have a tendency to sabotage your own plans and relationships, you may be stuck for how to fix the problem. You might be wondering how to stop self-sabotaging and how to stop making the same mistakes that keep you from being successful in what you do.
One of the biggest ways that people self-sabotage is by putting off the important things they need to do. They may to talk about something important that they need to tell their partner because they fear conflict. Maybe there’s schoolwork or a work project that needs to be done, but constant procrastination leads them to routine failure.
Procrastination doesn’t just keep you from accomplishing things. It also makes it difficult for people to trust you and to count on you for anything. You may find yourself suffering from bad grades and your job may be in jeopardy because of your lateness. You could also run into conflict with your partner because you keep promising them you will do things and then don’t.
How do you stop procrastinating? It helps to set yourself a deadline and make sure that deadline is realistic. Make sure that the first thing you do for the day that you set the deadline is what you promised yourself you would do. It also helps to force yourself to wait on entertainment and self-gratification before you’ve accomplished what you’re supposed to do. A lot of procrastination happens because people end up goofing off and wasting time rather than doing what they ought to.
Choose an Accountability Partner
How to stop self-sabotaging behavior? One of the most helpful things you can do is to talk to someone about this behavior and ask them to help you stay accountable. Maybe your behavior causes you to procrastinate or to give up partway through a project. Maybe you cause relationship drama by overthinking things or running nightmare scenarios through your head. If you have someone you can talk to these things about, that can make a big difference.
An accountability partner should be someone who checks up on you regularly, asking you about the things you struggle with. This partner should be someone you trust, and they should be willing to ask the hard questions. If you procrastinate, they should ask you about what important things you’re putting off. If you overanalyze, they should ask you about your fears and worries. If you set goals for yourself to lose weight, and you’re wondering how to stop self-sabotaging weight loss, use an accountability partner to check in on you and make sure you’re meeting your goals.
Control Your Fears
Are you struggling in school or at work because of your fear of public speaking? Do you constantly fight with your relationship partner because you’re worried about what they might do?
These things are caused by fears that usually create unhappy scenarios in your mind. If you find yourself running these scenarios through your head over and over again, constantly afraid of what might happen, you are self-sabotaging yourself.
How to stop self-sabotaging relationships? It can help to realize that a lot of what you are afraid of never comes to happen. It can also help to talk to your partner about the things you’re afraid of so they can clear the air and assuage your fears. You might be surprised by how much strong communication can clear up a lot of the worries that plague your relationships. If you’re constantly afraid of what your partner might do, especially if there is no evidence that they are doing that, then you need to get a handle on your fears.
Communication can help with that, but what about your fear of speaking in public? For that, you will probably need to face it head on. You can practice your speeches or what you will say ahead of time and you can practice in front of your friends as well. Look for opportunities that push you out of your comfort zone and get you to speak in a public setting. Don’t wait for your employers to send you a public speaking assignment that will make you uncomfortable. Instead, take control of this fear by finding opportunities to speak publicly when you’re more comfortable. By getting some control over when and where you speak publicly, you can start to get over your fears.
Stop Self-Sabotaging Thoughts
Do you have a lot of thoughts that run through your mind that caused you to quit early or to doubt yourself? How to stop self-sabotaging thoughts like these?
It can help to look at things logically. If you fear failure, simply write out what may happen if you do fail. It might not be as bad as what you’re worrying will happen. Also look back on your past successes. If you can see that you have succeeded in different ways in the past, and you can make a list of those times, which can help you to have confidence for right now. It can help you to stop worrying about your future, because you’ll see that you have been able to succeed in the past.
If you’re having trouble coming up with lists like these, you can talk to your friends and get them to help you. They may be able to remember or notice instances where you succeeded that you didn’t think of. They may also be helpful in assessing the outcomes of failure for whatever it is you’re worried about. Having another perspective can help you see things logically instead of just being stuck in your own mind with your own fears.
Develop a Thick Skin
A lot of people will self-sabotage by picking fights with people or constantly arguing with those they should be working together with. Some people do this with classmates, family members, coworkers, and the people that they are in a relationship with. How to stop self-sabotaging yourself and keep from getting into arguments with everyone?
The main reason why people will be so argumentative is because they are easily offended. If you have a quick temper, or your reaction in a lot of situations is to flip out or lose control, you probably are easily offended.
How to stop self-sabotaging yourself with your reactions and your temper in your relationships? Instead of reacting quickly, you need to learn how to stop and think before you answer. What are the most important questions you can ask yourself as you stop and think is, “Why does this offend me?” You can also ask yourself, “What is the other person really trying to do to me?”
You might start to realize that people are not trying to offend you. You are simply getting offended because you are taking things too harshly. If you start to think about the reason why people speak to you the way they do and why they say things that might be upsetting you, you may realize that a lot of it comes from a good place. You might start to understand that they have good intentions and don’t mean to upset you. Once you begin to stop and think about what’s happening in this way, you’re less likely to get offended and to have a reasonable, measured response.
You also need to learn how to take criticism. Realize that a lot of criticism comes from a place of people just trying to help you, even if they don’t always know the nicest or best way to say what they are saying.
You should also take into consideration that you may be under the effects of intoxicants, like alcohol. Any medications you take or drugs you use can be affecting your responses. You may be more volatile or hostile because you’re under the influence of medication or a recreational drug. Be aware of the effects they may be having on you, and try to exercise better control over your responses as you keep the effects of intoxicants in mind.
So many people will self-sabotage some of the most important things in their lives. Once you understand what kind of behavior is causing that, you can take steps to correct it.